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Essential Premarital Counseling

“Essential Premarital Counseling” is the seventh book in the New Horizons in Therapy Series published by Loving Healing Press.  Dr. Sandra L. Ceren presents a complete ten session premarital program with case studies for discussion, and suggested resolutions. The program uses a proactive group approach with opportunity for extended sessions for individual counseling when needed.

The material in the book includes material for an intake interview, thought-provoking and probing self-examination questions with follow-up discussion suggestions. Dr. Ceren also provides a tool for personality testing and a relationship quiz. Conflict resolution training is an essential part of the subject matter of the program and provides instructions for the practitioner.

Role playing is another important part of the program. Challenging situations and scenarios are given to the participants based on material covered in earlier sessions.  These role plays are followed up with suggested conflict resolutions and provide insight for impending warning signs in a premarital relationship.

The case studies dealing with personality disorders and doomed relationships are especially significant in building a long-term relationship resulting in marriage.  I particularly appreciated the case studies with illustrated key and lasting, inflexible personality basics that form patterns not easily broken. 

These personality characteristics hold back social and career performance and need to be considered in decisions of the magnitude of marriage. Ceren also noted the importance of values, goals, interests, and hobbies in a relationship. The case studies include numerous unresolved conflicts with suggested solutions. 

The premarital questionnaire provided in the appendix is an exceptional tool for the couple considering marriage and for use in evaluation and counseling by the therapist.  The recommended resource list is comprehensive and includes books--both fiction and non-fiction, as well as suggested cinematherapy.

This hands-on guide is an excellent program resource for clinical practitioners, marriage and family therapists, premarital counselors, and trained lay counselors. “Essential Premarital Counseling” by Dr. Sandra L. Ceren has received high acclaim from leaders in the field of premarital counseling.

Essential Premarital Counseling
Sandra L. Ceren, PhD
Loving Healing Press (2008)
ISBN 9781932690668
Reviewed by Richard R. Blake for Reader Views (7/08)

Holy Sex!: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving

Gregory K. Popcak’s “Holy Sex!” is the ultimate guide to a fulfilling, happy, yet virtuous sexual life. While written with the Catholic couples in mind, the author’s insight should prove helpful to just about anybody desiring a stronger, more fulfilling sexual experience within their marriage.

Debunking the myths and exposing the lies about the role of sex in Christianity, this book shows you the path to Infallible Loving, a very freeing experience that will bring the partners closer together as well as closer to their God. The author explains how eroticism differs from Holy Sex and why the latter is so much more fulfilling. Through a series of questionnaires the reader is guided to better understanding of what the Infallible Lovers are made of and with the help of well-thought-out exercises given a powerful tool to become one of them.

The second part of the book deals with the five great powers of Holy Sex, namely:

1.  Holy Sex has the power to make the common holy.
2.  Holy Sex has sacramental and redemptive power.
3.  Holy Sex has the power to be a physical sign of God’s passion for us.
4.  Holy Sex has the power to unite.
5.  Holy Sex has the power to create.

Supported by a number of personal stories as well as quotes from a vast array of notable writers, this is an intensely thought-provoking section. I challenge any reader to read it and not feel changed in some way.

The third and fourth parts mostly deal with practical matters, from Natural Family Planning to technicalities of intercourse and solving of common sexual problems, infidelity and more. Always down-to-earth and written in an easy-to-follow and easy-to-understand style, these two parts should probably be the ones most people will refer to more than once.

While this book should be particularly helpful to engaged couples and newlyweds, I do believe that the lessons taught inside could provide positive changes for couples regardless of how long they’ve been married. With advice that is both practical and well researched, witty and wise, Gregory K. Popcak’s “Holy Sex!” should find a permanent place on the bookshelves of people wishing for stronger foundations of their marriage, showing everybody why good sex is not only compatible with the Catholic teachings, but highly desirable as well.

Holy Sex!
Gregory K. Popcak

, PhD
The Crossroad Publishing Company (2008)
ISBN 9780824524715
Reviewed by Olivera Baumgartner-Jackson for Reader Views (6/08)

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Unlocking the Secrets to Life, Love, and Marriage

I enjoyed this book from the lighthearted beginning to the serious ending. The author’s relaxed style made me feel as if we were chatting over coffee. His style of handling complicated, emotional concepts with simple and straight-forward language helped me see things in a much clearer way than I ever have before. And I was married twenty-two years!

The book is based on the author’s seminar on improving marriage. A funny look at a serious subject, it has proven to be helpful to many, many couples, partially because he addresses topics from both the male and female perspectives.

“We get “much revenue” from being joined to another person…” but as he goes on to say, “There is no such thing as a poo-free marriage.” Well maybe this language is a bit too direct, but it does sum up the fact that as beneficial and wonderful as marriage can be, there are always problems to deal with.

There is so much wisdom in this book that I finally got the highlighter out and started marking page after page. I know I will reread sections from time to time just to refresh my memory. And of course there’s lots of laughter to be found throughout the pages. One example stands out:  “You were smoking marital ganja if you expected marriage to be a life filled with constant waves of joy, where every morning birds sing you awake and little bunnies help you sweep the floors as the chipmunks wash the dishes.” Amen.

As a pastor who has counseled many, Mark Gungor uses the Bible as his reference. “The Bible never tells us to find the one God has chosen. It teaches us how to live well with the person we have chosen.” A man of strong opinions, some might not agree with everything he has to say. Young couples might doubt some of his wisdom. I on the other hand, a seasoned woman who has been through one marriage, see the wisdom of his words loud and clear. Even though I’m not currently married, I can see the value of the information for my current relationship and will encourage my companion to read the book so we can discuss and implement some of the methods. No matter one’s age or experiences, there are loads of valuable ideas to take from the reading.

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
Mark Gungor
Atria Books (2008)
ISBN 9781416536055
Reviewed by Tammy Petty Conrad for Reader Views (5/08)

Public Lies

Brenda Youngerman has really hit the nail on the head with this book. It is a very dramatic and truthful story of what happens when women are caught in domestic violence. This is a book that all women should read who are in a violent relationship.

This story revolves around Vince and Nancy Cooper and their turmoil of a marriage. Vince is controlling and abusive mentally and physically in addition to being a substance abuser. After a great mental struggle, Nancy decides she can’t live this life anymore and takes her children and leaves Vince. What follows is the harrowing tale of what Vince will do to get his wife back so he can have revenge on her. Even with the help of her family, friends and lawyers, she is depicted as a mother who is useless, running the streets and using drugs, all of which are not true. But it shows us how a person who is cunning and manipulative can make people think otherwise.

Having worked in the field of domestic violence for over 20-years, I can say this book says it all. Even if one’s relationship is not at the same point Nancy and Vince’s is, it can happen to all of us. I would recommend reading “Public Lies” at all women’s shelters and crisis centers.  Also all professionals that work in this field would benefit from reading it.

Public Lies
Brenda Youngerman
Outskirts Press (2007)
ISBN 9781432712969
Reviewed by Carol Hoyer for Reader Views (5/08)

Dating rEvolution: or, how to date like a man and get away with it!

Rachael Zavala has got to be one of the most inventive women of modern time.  While being a mother to her three children and having a significant other, she still managed to have the time to write this inspirational piece of literature. Without the fancy degrees and no formal training in Psychology or the social sciences (by her own admission), Ms. Zavala managed to compile a volume of information that will intrigue both men and women.

While “Dating rEvolution” is intended for women, it’s an interesting book for men.  This book has to do with a woman’s advice to women and is an intriguing look at the dating scene through the eyes of a normal person. Not a psychologist or some Sociology major (looking to acquire information for a thesis), Rachael is just an experienced girl that has, “been there, done that.”  I could tell she wrote from the heart when she mentions things like, “the more clueless the man, the crazier the woman.”  I have been in this situation and I had to chuckle about that one.

She has a “Fun List” of things to do to avoid the drama of dating and I can understand where she is coming from. Ms. Zavala’s chapter on “Clingons” was informative and related to the crazies in where she cautions against being overbearing. She tells the reader to not badger her date with text messages and emails least she becomes known as a “Clingon.”

When she finally introduces chapter 7, I was most intrigued to read what a woman would say to other women on the subject of sex.  My prayers were answered; she was very honest, and open, about the fact that women have it on their minds too. Contrary to popular belief, I was glad to hear that I am not alone in this aspect of relationships. As Ms. Zavala puts it, not all women are as adamant about it as men, but she advises her readers to enjoy it. That’s all I will divulge on this chapter as I really think this is a great little 103-page book.

“Dating rEvolution” is masterfully done and very well written. No holds barred, no punches pulled, it tells it like it should be told. Rachael talks to the reader like a street-wise hooker, with the wisdom of Solomon and the Christian beliefs of Mary. She cautions where caution is to be taken and gives the green light when the situation is right. But best of all, once you read “Dating rEvolution,” you will know when that time has arrived.  I gave the book a raving A+ and recommend it to the guys too! We deserve to know as much as the girls.

Dating rEvolution
Rachael Zavala
CreateSpace (2008)
ISBN 9781434827944
Reviewed by William Phenn for Reader Views (5/08)

Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti: Friendship, Romance, and Relationships That Work

As the title indicates, “Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti” is about the many ways in which men and women differ. Men tend to compartmentalize their lives into small boxes (hence the waffle analogy) and focus only on one box at a time. Women’s lives, on the other hand, are like cooked spaghetti on a plate. The pieces are intertwined, which symbolizes the amount of multitasking they do. When people learn to understand these inherent differences between the sexes, they can find ways to avoid problems and misconceptions.

This book also focuses on helping single people seek serious relationships. It stresses the importance of making specific, realistic, and achievable goals and being honest about what they desire so they will not spend time on relationships that will be doomed from the beginning. The authors provide questions for people to consider to determine if they are ready to start dating again after a difficult or painful breakup. Kinds of dates that will help people learn more about potential spouses are listed. These include co-hosting a party to see how they handle stress and planning issues. Another idea is to go on a long outing with children (such as nieces or nephews). If having a family is one of the goals, this will give insight into how a potential mate relates to children.

Examples of free or low-cost dates are given which will allow people to learn more about each other in quiet and stress-free situations. The pros and cons of the different ways of meeting people are discussed. Should someone aggressively seek another individual (i.e. internet dating sites) or passively wait for another person to find them?

At the end of each chapter there are humorous lists that relate to the topic of the chapter. There are also discussion questions for small groups to begin conversations about this book. The book, although not overwhelmingly religious in nature, discusses the importance of God’s role in relationships and how one’s relationship with God is the most important one of all.

Although Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti” is aimed at single men and women, all adults could use a refresher course on understanding how men and women differ. It is through the knowledge and acceptance of these differences that relationships will not only grow, but flourish.

Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti: Friendship, Romance, and Relationships That Work
Bill Farrel and Pam Farrel
Harvest House Publishers (2008)
ISBN 9780736922494
Reviewed by Leslie Granier for Reader Views (4/08)

Jungle King Secrets: A Libido-Liberating Lifestyle for Superior Sexual Satisfaction

I was not able to find much information on the author except the fact that he was born in Detroit, Michigan and now resides in a suburb of the same. “Jungle King Secrets” happens to be his first book but I am sure it will not be his last.

Does size matter? Find out in Paul Adcock’s book “Jungle King Secrets”--his detailed study of this and many more life-enhancing questions are answered in this 251-page volume. His main thrust is on how to improve your love life through the use of diet and exercise. He speaks of “World Class Wellness” and shows how to handle that ever-growing concern among men, “the erection.” Mr. Adcock describes how nutrition of the body relates to our sexual prowess in, “Factory-Farming and Sexual Function.” He instructs the reader in the proper use of nutrition and even better, what not to eat or do for sexual superiority; which food and drinks to avoid and others to eat more of. Not smoking was at the top of the list along with overindulgence. Paul cautions everyone on the dangers of smoking and emphasizes the fact that too much wine can hinder a man’s performance. I could sympathize with what he means here and I am sure I’m not alone when I say, “it doesn’t help a man’s partner to overindulge either.”

Further on, Paul explains the dangers of sexual pharmaceuticals. The risks involved in taking so-called, erection-amplifying drugs or aphrodisiacs. Such libido enhancers have hidden chemicals that are detrimental to the human body and Mr. Adcock cautions the reader on their use and abuse. One of my personal favorite chapters was, “The Secret of the Sexual Super Heroes.” Mr. Adcock refers to the “Grand Master Tu Jin-Sheng” and the teachings of “Taoism.” “Taoism” is not a political doctrine but rather a wisdom tradition. Followers observed the organic lifestyle and learned to harness the life force of creation called “energy cultivation (Qi Gong).” They learned that this practice made it possible for them to be more sexually superior and less susceptible to sickness and disease.

The power of sex is exemplified in this very well-documented and researched book. How Mr. Adcock was able to compile so much helpful information into only 251 pages is amazing. I had no problem giving this book an A rating. The research was thorough and well documented, the writing was unquestionably well done and “Jungle King Secrets” is a quality product that is well worth reading.

Jungle King Secrets: A Libido-Liberating Lifestyle for Superior Sexual Satisfaction
Paul Adcock
Loving Healing Press (2008)
ISBN 9781932690491
Reviewed by William Phenn for Reader Views (02/08)

Touch Me There!

Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D.
Hunter House (2007)
ISBN 9780897934886
Reviewed by Anne Boling for Reader Views (8/07)

Sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright discusses in detail how to stimulate your lover and yourself in her book, “Touch Me There!” She begins by asking readers to promise three things. First, to realize that there are many hot spots of the body; they are not limited to the genital area and that stimulation is not a just foreplay activity. “Intimacy does not need to involve intercourse or orgasm for it to be deemed successful.” Secondly, you must be willing to learn to communicate. Talk to your partner and enlighten them when something feels good and when it is a turn on.

Read complete review at Reader Views

Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships

Dr. David Hawkins
Harvest House Publishers (2007)
ISBN 9780736918411
Reviewed by Lori Plach for Reader Views (7/07)

“It’s YOU that has the problem NOT me!”
“You're the one who is crazy NOT me!”

How many times have you ever heard that? Maybe those aren't the exact words you hear, but surely you deal with these types of people in your daily life. These people are referred to as crazymakers. Crazymakers come is a wide array of personalities. There are the aggressors who will stop at nothing to get you over to following their will. There are the egotists who are so full of themselves that there is no room for anyone else to even have a place. There are those walking “time bombs” -- you know the type, they can blow at any given moment. There is those with the “poor me” attitude who always feel like they have been given a bum rap and that everything they experience is absolutely the worst.

Read complete review at Reader Views

Am I Bad?: Recovering from Abuse

Reviewed by Lori Plach for Reader Views (6/07)

"It's all your fault! You brought this on yourself! If you would have done something different, this wouldn't have happened to you!" Ah yes, these are things an abuse victim may hear. Or they may simply believe. Do you know someone who has been abused? Perhaps it was a close friend or family member. Or maybe it was you yourself who was abused a year or many years ago and you are still dealing with the effects of it all.

Read complete review at Reader Views