Reader Views

Rewire Your Brain for Love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness

Article first published as Book Review: Rewire Your Brain for Love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness by Marsha Lucas, PhD on Blogcritics.
 
Neuropsychologist and psychotherapist Marsha Lucas, PhD, has developed a program to create healthy, meaningful relationships by incorporating twenty minutes a day of mindful meditation in your life. Seven relationship skills that are designed to open up communication and intimacy are taught that will result in “High Voltage” benefits for couples.  By learning how your brain is wired, you will discover how your behavior in your current relationship is connected to your early childhood.  From there, you can use meditation to learn how to remove the old patterns and rewire your brain for new ones. As adults we can still create new neural pathways in our brains. In “Rewire Your Brain for Love,” Lucas throws out the belief that are brains become too old to change, so it is never too late!
 
Proving an in-depth scientific discussion about how parts of our brain function, Lucas also incorporates an explanation of how mindful meditation, which is a 2,500-year-old mind training technique, can make a huge difference in our lives.  By learning about the neuroscience connection to meditation, you can integrate your brain so that all the parts work together.  I believe that the changes that will occur will benefit our lives on many levels, because if we improve ourselves, everything in our lives should get better. However, the promise of improved communication and better sex offers a huge motivation to try it! After you learn how to rewire you brain, you are taught how to maintain your practice. Twenty minutes a day is all it takes.

“Rewire Your Brain for Love,” by Marsha Lucas, PhD, is written in a friendly, clear manner.  Incorporating humor into her writings takes the heavy edge off of the scientific explanations involving the brain.  Offering examples of case studies also makes it very interesting.  Throughout the book, Lucas offers several meditations which can be tried.  The author also lists her own website and other resources that readers can refer to for more information or for free meditation downloads.  I like that the reader is taking responsibility for improving their role in their relationships.  So much hope is given for being able to change.  I highly recommend “Rewire Your Brain” for couples wanting to improve their relationships, singles wanting relationships and for counselors who work with people who have relationship issues.


Rewire Your Brain for Love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness
Marsha Lucas, PhD
Hay House (2012)
ISBN 9781401931612
Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (1/13)

In Love

Article first published as Book Review: In Love by Gary Littman on Blogcritics.
 
Gary Littman has truly written a book that will touch your heart and surely bring a tear to your eye. At first I thought “In Love” was going to be a self-help title; instead I found it to be a loving, inspirational tribute to his late wife.

I love the way he tells his story. I don’t know much about the Jewish culture and appreciated the inserts of traditions that helped me understand some of his background. As a teenager he was faced with the fear of being drafted into the Vietnam War. He did manage to escape that trial and I am sure it was a serious relief! After high school graduation, he went to college to begin to prepare for his future. He was set up with a blind date and little did he know she would be the love of his life. Through the years, he explains his love for Joyce leading up to their marriage and first child.

At chapter 4, I became slightly confused about the first couple of pages where it seemed to jump right in to Joyce having cancer and some of her struggle, where the page before ended the chapter with his daughter’ birth. After about a page and a half into the chapter, it seemed to pick back up with the flowing timeline.
 
I imagine Joyce as a gorgeous woman with a super loving heart and a woman who supported her man through everything since they were young. It seems too good to be true that two people would fit together so well. With having to deal with the first loss of a parent, it really created an emotional toll. Through all the rough times, Littman praises his wife for always sticking by him and being there for the family, the root of her entire existence. What a love to find!

Littman moves the family around quite a bit to maintain his very successful career in retail as a buyer. After fifteen years, he had to move on and start over. With more family tragedy to come and Joyce to be diagnosed with cancer, he certainly had his work cut out for him - emotionally and physically. I began to really have a flow of tears reading the letters that Joyce wrote just before she passed away. It made my heart melt and feel for Mr. Littman.

I praise Gary Littman for being so honest about the way he felt about Joyce and that he has the support of someone new after some time has passed who encouraged him to write about being “In Love.” Joyce would be so proud to have read this book and so pleased to know that her husband and best friend loved her like he did. I hope to find a love like that one day!


In Love
Gary Littman
AuthorHouse (2012)
ISBN 9781477276600
Reviewed by Jennifer Hass for Reader Views (1/13)

Sweet Treats for My Friend

“Sweet Treats for My Friend” by Lisa Kaus is meant to be just that...a little gift book for a very special friend when you want to say to her:
 
Friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
 and include a dish “Oh-So-Easy Cherry Cobbler” of which a recipe is in the book. 

Or, you may want to say:
 
A true friend is a forever friend. - George MacDonald
 and include a “Heavenly Apple Desert”  (recipe in book) to show how sweet she really is.
 
This is a cute little book; one you can slip into a pocket or tuck into a small box and give to that special friend.  Personally, I like the idea of including one of the dishes from the book.  The book is basically quotes from famous and unknown people with recipes sprinkled about. 

“Sweet Treats for My Friend” by Lisa Kaus is a perfect way to say “I Love You” to someone you care about.  I encourage you to purchase one for each of your friends and light up their day with smiles.


Sweet Treats for My Friend
Lisa Kaus
Harvest House Publishing (2012)
ISBN 9780736946094
Reviewed by Irene Watson for Reader Views (7/12)

He’s Not the Right One… Divorce & Dating Thereafter

Article first published as Book Review: He'sNot the Right One... Divorce & Dating Thereafter by Rosario Bacon Billingsley on Blogcritics.

Divorce is a daunting process that may feel completely and utterly frightening for the unprepared. The same can be said for trying to jump back into the dating scene. Author Rosario Bacon Billingsley has these answers and much more in her book, “He’s Not the Right One…Divorce & Dating Thereafter.” With a background and working experience in both mental health and the legal professions, she provides guidance from more than just one aspect of divorce. The result is a perfectly balanced book which contains not only the legal expectations and realities of the process but the psychological toll it takes on a person’s mental well-being.

In order to make her advice personal and applicable, Rosario Bacon Billingsley organizes her book in a series of stories. This way, her readers can follow specific examples and see the how’s and why’s of each particular subject. For example, her first story discusses a husband’s refusal to accept that a divorce was happening to him as well as the requirement to pay support. He stands firm in his beliefs that he owes nothing but the reader will soon see him in contempt, having to serve jail time, and even losing his business license. Some of the stories center on the wife, while others on the husband; some tell the process from the prospective of the jilted and others from the bored or the philanderer. Essentially, all sides are represented and her clients are not always the ‘innocent’ party. I thought using the stories in the way the author did truly brought her advice to life. They weren’t just bland legal or dating suggestions; they became people with real heartache, real pain, and circumstances that readers could identify with.

The author’s tone throughout the book has quite a zing and it initially threw me because I wasn’t expecting it. You can obviously tell which behaviors – and characters - set well with her and which didn’t. She has nicknames for opposing counsel, the presiding judges, and the other party in the divorce such as Mr. Flamboyant, Mr. Stoneface, Judge Contemptible, Judge Power Play, Mr. Casanova, and Ms. Know-It-All. You can call the author edgy, sarcastic, jaded, funny, or realistic but I absolutely loved her. And as a very recent divorcee and dater, I could completely identify with so much of her information.

“He’s Not the Right One… Divorce & Dating Thereafter” contains only a small handful of editing oversights and does date itself with some of the language used. For example, Rosario Bacon Billingsley uses ‘1990s’ quite often in the text. At the time of publication – 1996 - that would have made perfect sense. However for long term use and potential application by future readers, it places the book in that decade and in that decade only. I would hate for a reader to stop reading the book upon reaching a ‘woman of the 90s’ reference and think, ‘Yikes, I don’t want to be that!’. I think with some minor modifications (i.e., use ‘modern woman’ or ‘dating in today’s world’ and completely take out ‘automatic teller card’ references…I literally laughed out loud at that reference!), it would give a more timeless quality to the book. Other than those small issues, I think Rosario Bacon Billingsley gives fantastic advice, an empathetic voice, and a sharp smack of reality to those going through the divorce process.


He’s Not the Right One… Divorce & Dating Thereafter
Rosario Bacon Billingsley
Fell Street Press (1996)
ISBN 9780965336109
Reviewed by Vicki Liston for Reader Views (1/12)

Why Won’t You Talk To Me?: Selected Stores

Article first published as Book Review: Why Won't You Talk To Me?: Selected Stores by Richard Duggin on Blogcritics.

Author Richard Duggin’s newest book, “Why Won’t You Talk To Me?,” is an assemblage of short stories that collectively explores every emotional aspect of the institution of broken relationships, failed marriages, and endings and new beginnings. Each story underscores that before, amidst and following the demise of a marriage, most of us are simply not capable of honest, open introspection and communication.

The characters in “Why Won’t You Talk To Me?” are active participants in the “would have-should have-could have game” and they all are inclined to over-intellectualize their marital miscues. Duggin imbues his cast with an engaging genuineness and believability. Their lives and their reflections are highly relatable. As a result, the reader establishes tight connections with the characters and a bond, based on a true concern for them, which makes their stories especially engaging.

Richard Duggin is an adept storyteller who has honed the craft of writing introspection. The reader is apt to perceive that they are truly inside the mind of the characters (and their own mind perhaps). And they are likely to feel that they have experienced in their own lives the stories to which they most strongly relate. For me the, the book kept my head nodding in either agreement or revelation and my hand eager to turn the next page.

One such story and cast of characters which strongly elicited this response from me was titled “A Certain Knowledge.” In this amusing account of what initially appears to be the mundane story of “Dad picks up kids from ex on his weekend,” Duggin manages to render a meticulously detailed and mesmerizing portrait of the complex dynamics between the ex-husband, ex-wife, their kids, and the new boyfriend and potential step-father. This story clearly established for me that the author does indeed have certain knowledge with regard to what he is writing about.

The stories in ““Why Won’t You Talk To Me?” do not suggest, as did Ralph Waldo Emerson, that “Tomorrow is another day…begin it with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” That noble act must come from within the reader. But Richard Duggin has certainly written a most thoughtful and thought-provoking book that will challenge you to reconsider the blunders and absurdities of your failed affairs of the heart. If that is your aim, then I suggest you take a deep breath and have fun reading “Why Won’t You Talk To Me?”


Why Won’t You Talk To Me?: Selected Stores
Richard Duggin
Outskirts Press (2011)
ISBN 9781432779061
Reviewed by Joseph Yurt for Reader Views (2/12)

Soulmate Proprietors: How To Run a Business With Your Spouse and STAY Married!

Article first published as Book Review: Soulmate Proprietors: How To Run A Business With Your Spouse And STAY Married! by Danelle Brown on Blogcritics.

In her new book “Soulmate Proprietors,” author, consultant and business coach, Danelle Brown grapples with the question of whether spouses can run a business together and still stay married. Many have tried and failed, some losing both their business and their marriage in the end. But after casting a wide net of interviews among a diverse range of “small business families,” Brown reached the conclusion that despite a high degree of difficulty, not only can this arrangement work for spouses, there is indeed much to celebrate for the entire family.

Brown had a passion for writing this book that was borne out of necessity and intimate knowledge of the subject. Together with her husband, Marcel, she is co-owner and marketing director of MB Tech, Inc. which provides technology consulting services to small businesses and individuals. She is also the president and founder of Queen Bee Consulting which helps family and couple-owned companies grow their businesses. Danelle Brown is immersed in the issues she writes about.

“Soulmate Proprietors” is basically a comprehensive, well-organized and easy-to-understand how-to guide. In addition to the wise and relevant counsel of the author, each of the book’s seven chapters includes interview excerpts/case study comments from real spousal partners who were interviewed by Brown in preparation for writing the book. Each chapter also includes a “Soul Searching Questions” section that provides an important self-check summary to help the reader measure their understanding of the issues presented and promote reflection on those issues about which they have concerns. Each chapter is informative, entertaining and well written.

In Chapter One, “In It to Win It,” the author’s straight talk sets a strong, all or nothing standard for those contemplating running a business together. This challenge is echoed throughout the book, which proceeds to address the numerous issues involved such as is do you want to be in business with your spouse and is your marriage strong enough to make it work, how to divide your talents so that roles are clear, channeling stress to build a stronger relationship, dealing with the reality that the business becomes part of the family, bringing balance to your work and personal lives, and the fringe benefits of working with your spouse. And as Brown points out near the end of the book, believe it or not, this simply sets the foundation for a successful business with your spouse.

Danelle Brown says she really enjoys talking to people and helping and mentoring them. “Soulmate Proprietors” clearly shows this is so. Her writing style is warm and conversational, her counsel is candid, and her words are thoughtful and caring. Whether you’re just beginning to consider the possibility of starting a business with your spouse, or at whatever point you are in running a business together, I believe this book can help you. I know it would have made a difference in my attempt. Ignore this book at your own peril.


Soulmate Proprietors: How To Run a Business With Your Spouse and STAY Married!
Danelle Brown
Queen Bee Consulting (2011)
ISBN 9780982925706
Reviewed by Joseph Yurt for Reader Views (1/12)

For One More Day

Author Denise Moon has finally published her autobiographical story, “For One More Day,” Its release has been long awaited by Moon. Indeed, she has been writing the book all of her life, since the first memory of her young childhood. But only now, in her fifties, has she found the courage to do so.

Moon’s central character, Sarah (Moon), has endured an unbelievable life of sexual, physical and mental abuse, dissociation and dysfunction and depression and alcoholism. The devastation of such an existence will be unfathomable and simply too harsh for some readers. Others will give up on Sarah and her poor life choices and set the book aside out of frustration, the same frustration shared by so many people who don’t understand the subject of abuse and, as a result place the blame squarely on the victim. But “For One More Day” offers a clear and irrefutable confirmation of the repetitive cycle of behavior and poor choices among those who have been abused. And blame lies everywhere, including those among us who are unwilling to make the time and the effort to understand and get involved in dealing with this horrific problem. It is the true stories of victims like Denise Moon which are the most important resource for those who want to understand.

I have researched this subject and reviewed four other true stories of abuse victims in the last eighteen months. My initial reaction to this book, despite my knowledge of the problem, was the same as that which I had initially to the other stories that I read for review – how could a person allow this to go on for so long? It is a question Sarah asks herself in this book, but as with most victims, she seemed unable to ever really fully answer the question. But one thing is certain; they either find an answer within themselves that ultimately empowers them to break free, or they suffer abuse and all of its devastation their whole life.

Moon is a sensitive, heartfelt storyteller who gently paints a delicately detailed montage of Sarah’s life. (One irritation for me as a reader though was what I consider an inordinate number of misspelled words.)  As her story progresses, it becomes increasingly engaging as Sarah begins to make small strides in gaining her self-respect. But typically, she continues the cycle of poor choices, particularly with regard to her relationships with men that knock her backwards, physically and mentally. Moon captures the extreme emotional swings that become part of the fabric of Sarah’s life and which are in most cases, predictable by everyone but Sarah.

In the end, “For One More Day” is hopeful and heartening. Sarah ultimately realizes that “Despite her challenging life, she remained alive, at least for one more day.” For the reader, it is hopefully enlightening and will at the least motivate them to be more aware of the signs of abuse in themselves and others. In her dedication Denise Moon writes, “It is my hope that sharing my story helps prevent similar stories from being written.” I believe that it will for those who take time to read it “For One More Day.”


For One More Day
Denise Moon
Outskirts Press (2011)
ISBN 9781432771935
Reviewed by Joseph Yurt for Reader Views (11/11)

Making a Meal of It: Sex in Chinese and Western Cultural Settings

This is a good informative book that begins with the author’s narrative of her educational endeavors and how she became involved with the writing of this book. Her impressive background included studies at some of the most prestigious institutions in the world. She has compiled the research she has done on the subject of East versus West sexual interaction in the United States, Mainland China, Hong Kong and Taiwan. Her in-depth study on the subject is what this book is all about.

With extensive charts and detailed diagrams and illustrations, Ms. Chang examines the differences between the sexual beliefs, attitudes and practices of Chinese and Western culture. Her knowledge of the Eastern attitudes from living in the country, coupled with her research, gives her findings much credibility. As she explains, she has had first-hand knowledge of the sexual revolution that has taken place in Taiwan and Hong Kong, coming close but not necessarily matching that of the United States. The author gives the reader a very concise history of the sexual transitions in the Far East and a bit of history as to the events leading up to the present conditions in China, Hong Kong and Taiwan.

“Making a Meal of It” could be called a thesis on sexual transitions with as much information as Ms. Chang has included in this very informative volume. It would really benefit a student of psychology or anyone interested in the social structure of Asia as compared to that of the West.

I gave it a B+ for so much concise and thorough information packed in only 353 pages.
It’s not a book for the general public. “Making a Meal of It” is for scholars, educators and those inquisitive minds that want a wealth of information in one unique book.


Making a Meal of It: Sex in Chinese and Western Cultural Settings
Jui-shan Chang
Outskirts Press (2011)
ISBN 9781432768218
Reviewed by William Phenn for Reader Views (12/11)

Staying Alive: A Love Story

Article first published as Book Review: Staying Alive: A Love Story by Laura B. Hayden on Blogcritics.

While any loss of somebody dear to us is a horrible thing to endure, there are some that are simply even more difficult than the others.  Losing a spouse is certainly right there at the top, particularly when the loss is sudden and at an early age. And that is precisely what happened to Laura B. Hayden, who found herself a widow even before she turned fifty. Not only did she have to raise two children alone now, but she soon faced a battle with cancer herself. Yet throughout all of that she did not lose the faith, nor focus.

There was one small paragraph towards the beginning of the book that really struck a chord with me. In it, the author stated, “I have come to realize I took my 20 years together with Larry for granted. Larry didn’t.” What a powerful statement, and one that really made me stop and think about my own personal relationships and how I deal with them. I will certainly try to do my best from now on not to take anything for granted ever again.

“Staying Alive: A Love Story” truly is a love story on many levels. It is undoubtedly a story of Ms. Hayden’s love for her husband, but also for her children, and for life in general. Throughout the book the reader learns about Ms. Hayden’s childhood and adolescence, and then her adult life, including her professional and personal growth. We follow her spiritual evolvement - and involvement, we see her learn and struggle and doubt and grow and stumble, but never really fall. Her memoir is a powerful mixture of emotions and tales of incredible resilience, and while it gets terribly sad at times, it never descends into whimpering or self-pity. She finds support and courage in many things, as well as many people, and she is lucky to recognize what really matters. She reminds us of the things we all know, but oftentimes forget or overlook - what really matters, or better yet, who really matters.

Ms. Hayden’s writing is beautiful, and she truly connected with me as a reader. She made me think again and again, and that is something that I really cherish in a writer. I would highly recommend this book to all those who have suffered a loss of a loved one, as well as anybody who just needs reminder of how amazingly resilient we human beings can be, and how with enough resolve we actually manage to overcome even the biggest obstacles. As “Staying Alive” will remind us, we do that and more, and if we are as strong as Ms. Hayden, we can actually do it with great grace.

Staying Alive: A Love Story
Laura B. Hayden
Signalman Publishing (2011)
ISBN 9781935991182
Reviewed by Olivera Baumgartner-Jackson for Reader Views (12/11)

Older Man/Younger Man: A Love Story

I would just like to say that Joseph Dispenza presents his gay life in an extraordinary and interesting fashion. From his days in the Monastery, to years later; he covers a facet of his life that in another period in time, would have been considered very controversial. His story adds a contribution to our understanding of love, the search for true intimacy and commitment. His explanation of the depth and joys of love for another man and how he experienced a whole range of emotions was in fact, poetically done.

Joseph Dispenza’s book “Older Man/Younger Man: A Love Story,” has much of what it takes for a book that will attract your interest and keep you entranced till the end. It is a courageous and painfully honest memoir that the author presents with a heartfelt flair. His penchant for detail (especially when he described his medical examination of his Prostrate), enhances the readers enjoyment of this compelling novel. I would consider the book for the adult category and do not recommend it for anyone under sixteen as there are some intimate details that would not be understood by younger readers.
 
Now that I have given all that I can to the positive side of “Older Man/Younger Man: A Love Story,” I must also (in all fairness), reveal some of the drawbacks that I found to be painfully arduous. I gave it a B- on my scale because it had grammatical errors and too many flashbacks to previous years in his life. Every other chapter was titled, “Ten years ago, Eight years ago, Six, Five,” and so forth. I had to keep reading so as not to lose my train of thought. It did not have the smoothest flow that I would have expected from this accomplished writer. I looked, but could not find anywhere on my copy that it stated, “Unedited, reviewers copy.” So, I must assume that it was an edited and final released edition. That being the case, the reader will have to struggle through some editing issues.


Older Man/Younger Man: A Love Story
Joseph Dispenza
CreateSpace (2011)
ISBN 9781460956984
Reviewed by William Phenn for Reader Views (11/11)