Irene Watson - Rewriting Life Scripts

Controlling God

As codependents, we try to control—we usually think of control in terms of controlling people and events, but what about God?

 

Religion for a long time has tried to control God, to control how we understand God and how God operates. While most religions start out having the best intentions and concerns about our soul, in the end, they often end up trying to control people and God in the process. Religion has told us if we do certain things, God will love us, and if we don’t do certain things, God will reject us—we will burn in Hell. Religion has also been used to make us believe God is for Us and against Them.

 

Can we so easily put God in a box? Can we control God?

 

On a more personal level, do we try to control how God operates in our lives? Do we pray only for what we want to happen, to try to convince God to do what we want? In these cases, are we listening to God, or are we too busy doing all the talking, telling Him what we want?

 

Are we afraid to listen? Do we avoid praying because we are afraid of what God might tell us? Do we fear how God might change our lives? Do we have irrational fears that we will be left impoverished, destitute, asked to do something seemingly impossible if we let God in?

 

So maybe we don’t pray. Maybe we don’t even talk or think about God. Does it matter? Do we really think we keep God or our Higher Power out if He or It wants in?

 

We rationalize God. We assume He operates by the same codes of human reason and justice that we do. But when did God die and make us God, giving us power to tell Him what to do? I don’t fully understand God, but I’m pretty sure God is not codependent—He knows better than to give His power over to us.

 

Are we really faithful, or are we just superstitious? Do we bargain with God? Do we seriously believe if we say x number of rosaries, or we pray perfectly, or if we get baptized with our full bodies rather than just our heads, that somehow we will gain some magic ability to make God do what we want?

 

We can’t control God. We can’t stop God or our Higher Power from being in our lives. It’s foolish to think we can. If we fight it, we will only make it worse. If God or Source wants in, It or He or She will find a way.

 

Think today about how you have tried to control God. How have you withheld yourself from trusting your Higher Power? When was the last time you actually took the time to ask God what He might want?

 

All we have to do is Trust. We don’t have to bargain. We don’t have to say rosaries or jump through hoops for God. We don’t have to fear God will ask us to do the impossible. We simply have to stop and listen to our Higher Power, our Intuition, our Source. We may not get the answers we want, but they will be the right ones. We may find we did not even have to ask the questions because everything was already well and perfect. We have no need to try to control God. He is already in control. We need only Trust.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.

The Silent Partner

A few days after Christmas, the Catholic Church celebrates the feast of the Holy Family.

 

Don’t worry. I’m not going to preach religion here. But I do want to take a minute to focus on that family. Especially, I want to talk about Joseph.

 

Jesus gets all the glory. Mary gets her fair share too.

 

But what about Joseph? We hardly know anything about him. And yet, from the few details, what a remarkable man he must have been. He gets betrothed to Mary, only later to find out she’s pregnant, and not with his child. You can’t blame him for wanting to get rid of her then, but once he realizes it’s God’s baby, he stays silent and sticks by her.

 

For the rest of his life, Joseph is on the sidelines. He doesn’t get to preach or change the world. He doesn’t get to ascend into Heaven like Jesus or Mary. He just plays the silent partner in the relationship. He takes them to Egypt to protect them. When it’s safe to come home, he provides for them, working in his carpentry shop.

 

Joseph “manned” up to his role. It wasn’t his child. He could have easily dumped Mary. Instead, he patiently does what is required of him by God and for his family. He doesn’t argue. He doesn’t object. He just does what needs to be done. He doesn’t ask for anything in return. If we believe the Catholic Church that Mary was ever-virgin, then Joseph gave up some other things besides recognition as well.

 

There must have been days when he doubted; there must have been days when he was jealous or frustrated. But he stuck by them. He was the man behind the miracle. He could have won an award for best supporting male actor. He isn’t even mentioned during Jesus’ ministry—he was apparently dead by then. He didn’t even get to stick around long enough to see the fruition of the child he raised. But look at the child he raised. We can only speculate what an influence he had on Jesus.

 

Maybe we ourselves play supporting roles for which we don’t get the appreciation we deserve. Maybe others in our lives play supporting roles. We can show appreciation for those playing the supporting roles. We can be supportive ourselves—that doesn’t mean we forget boundaries or let ourselves be taken advantage of—but especially where children are involved, we do what needs to be done. We look out for others.

 

In this blog, I constantly remind about not falling into codependent behaviors, but when children are involved, the rules change a bit. Nothing is more rewarding than caring for and loving a child. Nothing is more important either. Whether we are parents, grandparents, teachers, soccer coaches, or the neighbor next-door, how we treat each child who comes into our lives makes an enormous impact on the world—it can be the difference between a Hitler and a Jesus in the next generation.

The Fine Line—Codependency, Politics, & Religion

I find myself swayed both ways in the current debate on healthcare. Perhaps that’s because I can see both sides. Perhaps it’s because my codependency comes calling to me on these social issues. It is a social issue—an issue that concerns taking care of people, and taking care of people always causes concerns for me about falling back into codependent behavior.
 

I find myself agreeing with President Obama and the proponents for health care reform when they declare that no one in the United States should want for adequate medical care. After all, we live in the richest nation on earth, but how great are we if we cannot take care of our own citizens? It’s a heartfelt belief we should help those less fortunate. It’s the spiritual thing to do. Despite all the faults of organized religion—the prejudice, the disagreements over theological issues that overlook the purpose of mainstream religion—it’s the belief in charity, love of neighbor, and being kind that are what matter most about religion. While we have separation of church and state in this country—precisely because of those flaws of organized religion—we are, if not a spiritual people, hopefully a good people who care about other people, and there’s nothing wrong with caring about people.

 

But the other side of the debate over healthcare has within it a fear that we will become a socialist nation. What is wrong with socialism? Isn’t it a religious ideal that everyone should be treated equally and have what he or she needs? But in doing so, aren’t we also letting people feel entitled to having something without effort. The fault of socialism is that it leaves no place for people to be motivated to try harder since they will have to retain an equality with their neighbors. While healthcare may not have anything to do with class mobility or recognition for achievement, it does ask that people financially give of their dollars to take care of one another. We should take care of each other, but is it the role of government to force us to do so? Will universal healthcare, as welfare has done in many cases, replace the need to work for something? Is it enabling people as we codependents would be tempted to do?

 

I don’t have the answers to what is an acceptable form of healthcare reform. But I think we should each look into our own ideas about healthcare to see whether codependency is rearing its head in this issue. In the United States’ constant efforts to take care of the world’s problems, have we become a codependent nation?

 

As a recovering codependent, I still want to help people, but I also know that sometimes helping people is detrimental to them and to me. Are we our brother’s keeper? Or can we simply be our neighbor’s friend? Who is our neighbor? What do we owe to our neighbors, to our fellow Americans, to our fellow human beings? What would Buddha do? What do we owe to ourselves? We each have to answer those questions for ourselves on this issue.

Irene Watson, MA,  is author of The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference, and co-editor of The Story that Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, and Authors Access: 30 Success Secrets for Authors and Publishers. She is a workshop leader, managing editor of Reader Views, and president of a non-profit Higher Power Foundation. Irene lives next to Barton Creek in Austin, TX, with her husband Robert.