Irene Watson - Rewriting Life Scripts

Rewriting Life Scripts: Being a Victim no Longer Defines Me

Guest post by Elizabeth Walker, author of The Tablet of My Heart

Have you ever been camping over a weekend where all it did was rain? It rained while you were setting up, rained while you were trying to light a fire, trying to cook, rain, rain, rain? At first you just figure you’ll tough it out. You try to keep dry. You hang out under the cover of the tarp that you fashioned into a canopy so that you could still be near the fire and soak in the beautiful scenery. You repeatedly adjust your position to battle the shifting wind, but after a while the rain wins and you end up soaked. The cold rain has seeped into your cloths and is resting on your skin making you cold right down to your bones. Nothing looks beautiful anymore. Finally, sick of being cold and wet you do something to change it. You go into the safety of the tent, pull your sticky wet clothes from your cold, red skin. You curl up in your sleeping bag and listen, while the rain assaults your flimsy tent, for a break in the storm so you can pack up, salvage what you can and move to dry ground.

That is sort of what I did. I got tired of getting hammered by the storm. I got tired of sitting in my cold wet clothes, waiting for the sun to come and dry me off and make me warm again. I decided that, maybe it was time to go looking for the sun instead of waiting for it to come to me. I suppose that’s how it happened. The behaviors I had adopted certainly weren’t changing my situation. The rain would come; I would run for shelter until the storm passed. Then I would exit my shelter and while I wasted time counting my losses, without fail, another rain would come. One day I decided to stop counting my losses and start preventing them, so I headed for dry land.  In Plain English; What I was doing in order to make myself feel whole after loss and abuse, was not getting me anywhere – drugs, promiscuity, excessive alcohol. I didn’t feel any better. With time, after walking away from the vices that were drowning me, I found strength in my freedom. I found my sunshine. I re- wrote my life script by changing the setting and taking responsibility for moving myself out of  the circumstances that kept wetting me down. Lucky me…I like this script far better. The Tablet of My Heart is an illustration of that transformation.  Being a former victim means that my victimization no longer defines me – my will to fight defines me, instead.

About the book
The world turns upside down for a young girl when her father begins a fatal battle with the merciless affliction cancer. Before his illness finishes it’s devastating rampage through her adolescence, she is confronted by a new demon. She falls victim, by the hands of a trusted adult, to sexual abuse. The devastation of these events causes her to question God’s roll in her life, and whether He ever loved her at all. The Tablet of My Heart is a collection of Poetry from the journal of that young girl. It is narrated by the author of the journal herself, who paints a portrait of words illustrating her emotional journey from hopelessness to healing. It is dedicated to victims of abuse; to bring to them the realization of hope that there is a light at the end of the silence.

Elizabeth Walker's website:  www.tabletofmyheart.net.

How did you re-write your life’s scripts?

Guest post by Tim  Kellis, author of Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage

Boy this is a good question.  As it turns out I have re-written my life’s scripts 3 times.  

I received my undergraduate degree in engineering in 1985 from the University of Missouri-Columbia.  As graduation approached I began interviewing for jobs, and landed one as an engineer for AT&T at their manufacturing facility in Lee’s Summit, MO, outside of Kansas City.  After receiving a patent for a process I redesigned, and getting the attention of upper management for my ambition, I was offered a promotion and moved to Blacksburg, VA, where I worked as an applications engineer.  

After doing this for a year and a half I grew antsy and got a job in Dallas working in sales for AT&T, selling elecommunications equipment for GTE.  I was one of the first sales people to sell to GTE.  But my ambition and restlessness was acting up again, so I looked to move on, and took a job at another company, DSC Communications, the company who got started by selling equipment to MCI, when MCI first began selling long distance service.  My dad couldn’t believe it.  How could I leave AT&T?  In his mind, my career was set with my job at AT&T.  After all, I could spend my entire career there.  He couldn’t understand why I would want to leave such a prestigious firm.  So my first big change in life happened.  

My second one came about because of my unease at selling, and because I fell in love with the stock market.  In 1994 I left my career selling communications equipment to go back to school to get my MBA.  Again, my dad didn’t understand why I would want to leave a successful career in sales.  But, after graduation I landed on Wall Street as the first semiconductor analyst to focus on the communications market.  When my dad found out how much money I was making he suddenly didn’t question my career change.  So came my second big life change.  

None of this compared with what was to come.  As it turned out, I began working on Wall Street right as we were finishing the final stages on the biggest bull market in history, and I was right in the middle of it.  Changes in my Wall Street career happened fast and furious, moving from a small firm in Dallas, to a bigger firm in Boston, finally landing in New York working for one of the most prestigious firms on The Street.  And I began in 1993 with an initial investment of $7,000, and grew my portfolio at the peak of the market to $12.5 million.  Suddenly my dad didn’t question my career any longer.  

But the bottom was about to fall out from underneath me.  First my portfolio crashed.  Then my relationship fell apart with a girl I was engaged to.  And then I lost my job.  Boy, life has its interesting twists and turns, as I like to say.  Most importantly, I was crushed by the breakup of my relationship.  Yes, losing my portfolio was difficult and yes losing my job was difficult, but I couldn’t understand how a relationship that was supposed to last a lifetime could end.  

Thus came my third life change.  After my fiancée and I went to see a therapist to solve our relationship problems and after realizing that he wasn’t really helping, I decided that I was going to solve the marriage problem.  

After losing my job I took on the task of researching, reading 100 books over a 10 month period, followed by writing for 9 months.  So my career has taken a turn I could have never imagined.  I have gone from being a very successful Wall Street analyst to becoming a writer.  My joke when I landed on Wall Street was “be careful wanting something, it just might happen”, and that saying has taken on a whole new meaning in my life now.  

Now I am an entrepreneur whose job is not only to sell books but to save marriages.  While success hasn’t happened yet I wake up every day believing that someday people will realize that they don’t have to suffer through the pain of an unhappy marriage, that there is help.  This is my motivation for taking on what I believe is the biggest problem society faces today.  

Am I scared?  Yes, very, but failure is not an option to me, it can’t be.  While I know there are tons of books written on relationships, and 149,000 therapists working in this country, I realize none of them have really come up with a conclusive solution.  Most of the messages from the “experts” cover only a small portion of what is needed to solve the marriage problem.  I realize that I must keep pushing forward, so I take my fear and push it to the background. 

About the author

Renowned Wall Street analyst Tim Kellis takes on what could be considered society’s biggest problem today: divorce. The journey that led to him tackling such a significant issue was both personal and professional. After a successful career that eventually landed him on Wall Street, Tim met what he thought was the girl of his dreams, only to see that relationship end with bitterness and anger. The journey included work with a marital therapist, and after he discovered the therapist wasn’t really helping decided to tackle the issue himself.

Ambition and a strong aptitude for math helped lead Kellis to discover how to make relationships work. His math skills led directly to an engineering degree, nine years in the telecommunications industry, an MBA in finance, and finally on to Wall Street, where he became the very first semiconductor analyst to focus on the communications market.

After publishing a 300-page initiation piece entitled Initiating Coverage of the Semiconductor Industry: Riding the Bandwidth Wave, Kellis became a leading semiconductor analyst at one of the biggest firms on Wall Street. The experience he gained as a Wall Street analyst provided an excellent backdrop for becoming an expert on relationships, and resulted in his relationship book entitled Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage.

You can visit his website at www.happyrelationships.com or his blog at www.questforthehappyrelationship.blogspot.com

About the Book

The journey through “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage” includes a trip through history, where the most significant lessons civilization has learned over the last few thousand years are used to demonstrate not only the way to set up a positive relationship, but the causes of that relationship turning negative.

Additionally, I dive into the science of psychology to answer the most basic question anyone asks who goes through the pain of divorce, “why didn’t we work out”?

The basic premise of the book is that we have a 50% divorce rate yet there doesn’t appear to be anything happening to help solve this problem. Just because divorce has become a significant part of our culture doesn’t mean we should simply sit back while countless families suffer through the agony of splitting up.

The toll to society tomorrow because of our culture of divorce today is impossible to determine but future generations will have to deal with this change to the culture that has occurred over the last two generations.

For the first time in history I elaborate on a psychological solution to our psychological problems so that couples can learn how to change the direction of their negative relationships. In essence, the psychological objective is to understand what happens mentally between two people who make one of the most important decisions of their lives, to get married.

The objective of this book is to provide real, logical help to couples so that they can learn how to stay out of the divorce trap. The bottom line is to learn how to set up your relationship so that you can maintain a happy, healthy, harmonious, loving, affectionate, intimate marriage.

From an Anxiety-laden, Depressed Alcoholic to a Woman Filled with Uncontainable Joy!

Some alcoholics when diagnosed with alcoholism put the drink down and never go back to it. If alcohol is causing problems in their lives, they know they’re better off without it. There’s no underlying force driving them to drink again.

But not me! Alcohol served such a profound purpose for me that I stubbornly hung on to it even when it was destroying my life. It was four very long, unnecessary years after being diagnosed with this insidious disease before I could convince myself to walk away it.

Why couldn’t I let go of something that is killing me and creating terrible suffering for everybody close to me? Today I have answers and I believe my experience can help solve one of the enduring mysteries of alcoholism--its stubbornly high relapse rate.

I suffered from dysthymia (a chronic low-grade depression) and social anxiety disorder (SAD) or social phobia. All my life, I had wondered why everything seemed so hopeless, why my life seemed so meaningless, and why I was unable to experience any real joy. Along with that, I had a deep, lifelong fear of people situations (parties, public speaking, etc.). Anxiety and depression not only affected my quality of life but they both complicated my recovery, prolonging my active alcoholism!

After my first taste of alcohol, I felt like I had finally found a solution for my sadness and fear. And the relief I felt far outweighed any derogatory effects. But after a while, my rescue became my ruin and I became caught in the vortex of addiction, powerless to stop drinking or even slow down.

Alcoholics Anonymous is known to be one of the most effective solutions for most alcoholics. But, I wouldn’t recommend it for social phobs! Twelve-step meetings where participants are expected to mingle and speak in front of a group of people are precisely the kinds of situations that I feared most! For many, AA nurtures sobriety but for me it contributed to my relapses! My relapses created unnecessary guilt and shame. Unwilling to stop drinking, I felt like a pitiful loser, disappointing my friends and family over and over again. But this didn’t have to be. Social anxiety is easily treated.

It took the successful treatment of not only alcoholism but also my chronic low-grade depression and my social phobia for me to recognize that these two lifelong disorders were ‘triggers’ for my alcoholism. They were the ugly underbelly of the beast. Substance abuse was a mere symptom of two underlying disorders that were not discernible to anyone, not even me. My groundbreaking book, Recovering Me, Discovering Joy gives an inside look at my experience, strength and hope. Above all else it chronicles how I finally conquered my alcoholism.

I wrote Recovering Me because I’m obsessed with making the battle for others a little bit easier. I had been helping other alcoholics get sober for over 12 years and I thought a book would help my efforts. I am hoping that I’ll be able to reach far more people with the sale of it.

When I finally was able to diagnose the why of my relapses, I felt vindicated. After my anxiety and depression were lifted and with new found clarity of thought, I could finally understand what drove me to drink. I wasn’t such an awful person after all! Not only did I become successfully sober but I was finally capable of enjoying life.

The more I researched alcoholism the more my discoveries were validated. And I want to spread this encouraging news. Together we can chip away at society’s scourge by identifying solutions. I used to be part of the problem but today I’m very proud to be a part of the solution. Raising awareness about the powerful connection between anxiety, depression and alcoholism could quite possibly offer a better life for those who still suffer. And that’s what I intend to do. No one should go through the torturous journey of chronic substance abuse.

For an uplifting dose of encouragement and inspiration, go to: www.recoveringme.com and order my newly released book: Recovering Me, Discovering Joy. Vivian Eisenecher, author of Recovering Me, Discovering Joy / Uplifting Wisdom for Everyday Greatness.

Book Review - The Law of Abundance by S. D. Buffington

Ms Buffington’s book, “The Law of Abundance” is extremely timely considering majority of the country is into the panic mode of the recent announcement of recession. She gives us an understanding, in a scientific way, that positive and abundant outcomes are predictable if viewed and practiced through spirituality. Published on the heels of “The Secret” this book takes the mystery out of the Law and goes beyond any preconceived expectation one may have. I’ve read many books on the Laws, but Buffington’s book is one that surpasses all. She takes the boredom out for those that already know and believe the Law, and she explains in lay terms to those that are just learning and experimenting with the dynamics. Change is evident after reading this book!

The Tony Mandarich Story - My Dirty Little Secrets - Steroids, Alcohol & God

Book Review
Coming in March 2009
Modern History Press ISBN 9781932690781

Compelling, poignant, and timely, Tony Mandarich’s story, as told to Sharon Shaw Elrod, will keep the reader glued to the whole book while turning the pages to find out what’s next. Although Tony is a well-known ex-football player, this book is not about football or specifically the ins and outs of his career, but it’s about an NFL player that exposes his life during his infamous years in the limelight and comes clean with his addictions and overt ego. It could be anyone’s story; many of us can parallel to the experiences and the need for survival, whatever it takes, even with life-threatening substances or dysfunctional behaviors.

At one time known as "The Incredible Bulk" and never tested positive for steroids, Tony now reveals his secrets and lies – the down and dirty of his addictions, not only to substances but to the need of being the best, the need of doing the best, and the need of recognition. A humbling story told with passion and conviction, Tony allows us to see what addictions can do to human spirit, family structure, and career. However, he also gives us the vision of hope and empowerment if we choose to follow the path of surrender, self-forgiveness and the belief in a Higher Power. Reading "My Dirty Little Secrets – Steroids, Alcohol and God" will touch every aspect of your being, I promise you! Put it on your list to read when it comes out in March.

The Sitting Swing: Finding Wisdom to Know the Difference - Irene Watson

Organic for Health by Sandra Powers - Learn how to heal with organic foods

Today we are welcoming Sandy Powers, author of Organic for Health as she tours around the web to promote her recently published book. A breast cancer survivor who battled liver disease, Sandy Powers turned to organic foods to heal her liver and fight cancer recurrence. She and her husband live in Englewood, Florida, where they enjoy chasing after their grandsons.

Organic for Health will convince you to avoid conventionally grown foods laden with the biggest offenders, and more importantly, to fill your body with the clean, potent vitamins and minerals in organic foods that truly honor your health. 

The Sitting Swing - a synopsis

Irene Watson's work as a therapist could go no further until she faced her own past.  Her poignant and inspiring memoir begins at the end, in a recovery center, where she has gone to understand a childhood fraught with abuse, guilt and uncertainty. Her powerful story is a testament that it’s never too late to change your life, never too late to heal.

The Sitting Swing was a rope swing, hung from a tree next to the tiny cottage her Russian immigrant  father built by hand from hand milled logs and mud in the Northern Canada in the early 20th century. Any motion at all would smash the child into a vigorous rose bush. It was a sitting swing in a family not given to play, in a childhood stretched between two very different cultures.

Irene was born into a tight Ukrainian speaking community and a family struggling with guilt, shame, and grief over the death of a first born child—a son. The old world immigrant culture placed much of the blame for Irene's brothers death on her mother, causing her to hold her next child close to home, segregated from the new culture, victim to the blunt aggression of male cousins, and scornful townspeople.

The Sitting Swing shows us how guilt, fear and ignorance are borne by our children. Two distinct parts of the book look at an abusive child rearing and the process of recovery that takes place years later. On many levels this is a classic immigrant story showing us that change, growth, forgiveness and recovery are possible. It is also a heart warming healing story and a testament to the strength and courage of the human spirit.